“Then he started crying. Wanted me to stay. I’ve left. It was a weird night. I cried a lot. Such an idiot!”
“What’s so amazing about it?”
“Just the crying. Everyone is broken. This is why I miss Berlin.”
I don’t belong here.
Here is not where I should belong.
But where shall I belong to when not here?
There is no other place left to go.
No other place is different.
There is no place I’d rather be than the place I am now.
The place, I created in my mind.
Our bodies lay next to eachother without a single touch.
I don’t need to lay.
I can sit.
I can stand up.
I can just leave.
I am afraid that I cannot resist.
My body is located in an unknown territory.
I want to move but I cannot.
The smell of his body.
We are strangers but in the same time we are not.
It’s a contradiction.
How can I lay next to this anonymous body
and not be afraid of getting hurt?
But there is something about his smell,
which makes me want
to stay and explore the unknown.
There is an unusual intimacy
which fills up the room.
My body is somehow excited
about this moment
but in a weird way
it cannot react.
It never felt that difficult.
You are not mine.
I am not yours.
I cannot possess you.
You are not a thing.
I am not your owner.
I am not your property.
But there are moments
where I want you to be mine
and where I am all yours.
I wanted you in this very moment
but your fire was already gone.
You stopped burning for me,
that’s when I started to drink.